Sustainably Single Parenting

Making the most of life's journey alongside my three!!!

Nesting…or not January 7, 2013

Nesting.GlovesThere’s still so much to get done and nothing is clean enough and nothing stays clean very long around here.

I’m always doing the dishes. I’m always folding the clothes. I’m always cleaning the girls’ room for them because I’m too tired to incorporate it into their schedule.

I’m always cleaning their gerbil cage. I’m always giving the girls baths, washing, conditioning, combing, and braiding their hair. I feel like I never stop cooking.

I am so low on energy as I am still rarely sleeping, but every ounce of me is saying…MUST PREPARE FOR BABY!

I have to get the bookcase disassembled so that I can put up her swing in that corner. This entails removing the knickknacks, boxing the books and moving the boxes down to the cellar. There’s no space in the cellar for the boxes until I bring the baby gear up. There’s no place in the condo to store the baby gear except the kitchen, but I still have the Christmas stuff in the kitchen and the buckets for the laundry detergent. I need to take the Christmas boxes to my storage unit, make three batches of laundry detergent and clear the kitchen space to get the process started.

But I never have the time to make it to my storage unit or the strength and will to load the boxes in the van. I have little opportunity to be in the kitchen making laundry detergent because I cannot seem to get a break from cooking and cleaning. I just…AAUGH!!! There is so much to get done and so little time before she comes and I want everything to be perfect and I’m just not doing enough.

I am not capable of doing so much.Overwhelmed Mother

Despite my desire to get everything perfect I have to listen to my body as well. When I am low on sleep and doing everything to provide for my two little earth-side ladies it’s hard to find the time and energy to focus on Baby #3. I really want everything to be clean and organized and ready, but it’s so hard to do my nesting when I have so many other responsibilities.

School starts back up in ten days. It does not feel like I’ve had nearly one month of a break. I cannot believe that somehow I am supposed to keep up with the every day, my education, a new baby, a three-year old, a five-year old, and the aftermath of a failed marriage. What am I thinking?! How am I going to handle this?!

Keep breathing…that’s the first step. Keep doing what I can handle every day. Keep being the mother that I want my children to remember me being. Keep believing in myself. Keep refusing to quit. I can get through this. Maybe I will not make it to every nook and cranny of the condo, and maybe the baby gear assembling will take the back seat to sorting cloth diapers and infant clothing. The most important part is getting Baby here safely; I must remain confident that I will be able to sustain.

We’re going to make it through this okay. I would feel so much more relaxed though, if I could just dismantle that bookcase.

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Resolutions December 31, 2012

2013 is going to be a very eventful year. My third daughter is due in February, my oldest will turn six, my second will turn four.

I will graduate from Emerson College with my master’s in Publishing and Writing, and possibly begin my career in the publishing industry.

I will continue coming to terms with myself; my failed marriage and the abuse I suffered throughout my eight year relationship transformed me. I do not consider every aspect of my marriage to have been negative. I do, however, realize that a lot of my identity was determined by my husband. If not directly, then by my attempts to conform to what I felt he requested of me.

Oftentimes I do not know if the thoughts I have are my own. Am I doing things because I like to do them or because I have been conditioned? Am I making decisions based on my attempts to keep him happy, or am I doing what’s best for my daughters and me? It would seem that with him out of the house, charged with a felony, over 1000 miles away, and unable to contact me due to the restraining order, I would have a better hold over my identity, but I don’t. Not yet.

I don’t know what type of music I like listening to anymore. I don’t if my political views are the same. I question my opinion of almost everything. I am not free if he still lives within me. I need to know what I believe. I need to relearn me. I used to be a pretty cool human being.

 

So even though the New Year’s Resolution thing is a little lame, the timing is perfect and there are several things I’d like to focus on in 2013:

Learning more about me – (outside of my relationship, even outside of being a mother)

Wearing my hair naturally – I haven’t used a relaxer (chemical straightener) for over eight years, and that transition was difficult, but I still feel discontent with the way I’ve styled my hair. I am still conforming. I am still blow drying and straightening, still damaging my curls. I would like to learn how to wear my hair in its most natural state. I know that it will take some time and I may feel intimidated by the newness of my appearance, but I believe it will pay off in the end.

Being confident -For so long I have internalized all of the negative things my husband said about me. It’s not worth listing those things, they are not true. I need to relearn my good qualities, redetermine my value, and let the beauty I have within me shine through. I was once the most fearless person in the room; I was bold without being brazen, confident but not cocky. I want to feel that certainty again. I want to exude self-confidence.

Meditating daily – Lately I try to meditate before getting out of bed in the morning and before going to sleep at night. Meditation is helping me to be at peace with things, to be positive about my future, to not be hindered by my past. I am enjoying the uplift that I get from each session and look forward to making meditation a habit.

Attaining physical fitness – I used to be incredibly fit. I could do 100 standard and 20 one-handed push-ups. I could run for hours. I had the body fat percentage of a body builder. It made me feel good to be strong and able-bodied. It gave me confidence to know that I was an animal who could protect herself from harm. I never showed off my six-pack, I didn’t even like to wear shorts. It wasn’t about the suitors I could attract with my body, it was about feeling powerful. I want to rebuild my strength. I know that I am due with my third child soon, and that I won’t be able to do everything I want to do right away, but I am setting my goals high for physical fitness and I will be working toward them in 2013.

Living more sustainably – We already make our own laundry detergent, bathroom cleaner, and dishwasher solution. We eat organic and local foods and shop our farmer’s market. I cloth diaper, breastfeed, and do lots of other crunchy things, but I’d like to start living even closer to nature. My main focus will be on the foods that we eat. I want to maximize our veggies, get better at gluten-free cooking and dive deeper into the paleo diet. I also want to be more frugal. I want to start making my own soap. I want to sew my own diapers or master EC. So many things really, but I am excited to be starting them all.

 

I don’t expect to fulfill every resolution as though they were items on my bucket list. I don’t see these objectives as things I can do and then be done with. These are aspects of my life that I want to focus on, get better at, and continue on with throughout the rest of my days.

I look forward to the new year and the things that I will accomplish in it. I know that every day will involve becoming a more complete me. Welcome 2013.

 

Earth Paste Recipe September 28, 2012

Seems all I do is homework and housework.

I’ve yet to find a simple solution to getting all of my homework done, but I have a recipe for what we call “Earth Paste” that will make your cleaning experience easy, efficient, and eco-friendly.

 

Earth Paste Recipe

Ingredients

1 2/3 cup Baking Soda

1/2 cup Castile Soap (we use Dr. Bronner’s Tea Tree Pure Castile Soap)

2 Tbsp distilled water

2 Tbsp distilled vinegar

3 drops Essential Oil (optional for scent)

 

Directions

In a large bowl mix the baking soda, Castile soap, and distilled water with a fork until smooth. Add the vinegar (the girls love watching the mixture bubble). At this point you’ll add your drops of essential oil if you’ve chosen to use them. Mix everything again, until smooth. Use a rubber spatula to scoop the mixture into an airtight container (we make and store ours in an old plastic ice cream bucket).

We use this mixture to clean our bathroom (toilet, shower, bathtub, sink), but it’s great for plenty of other things too (stove top, cutting boards, etc). It’s very easy to use, just put a tablespoon or two on a towel or sponge and get to cleaning. You’ll be amazed at how softly you scrub, and how wonderfully the solution cleans up! If you want to make it even more abrasive try adding lemon juice and salt (I’ve never had to do this, and I’ve been using this recipe consistently for the past five years).

I hope you like using your Earth Paste as much as I do!

 

Sustainable Living August 31, 2012

I used to measure my sustainability efforts in loads of cloth diapers, laundered with homemade detergent and hung to dry outside on a line. I used to pride myself on knowing all the vendors at the farmer’s market, for being an owner at our local co-op grocery, and for making homemade baby food out of seasonal vegetables. I wowed my friends with stories of natural birthing and annoyed my family with unsolicited information about ingredients lists. I spent the last eight years perfecting my ecological sustainability, but I was not living sustainably all around.

I am now focusing on “the ability to be sustained.” Sustain has numerous meanings.

I will not give way. I will not yield. I will keep going.

Becoming a single mother has been the hardest challenge of my life and I cannot pretend that things are going to get significantly better any time soon. Finishing graduate school, being due with my third child in February, dealing with the immensity of guilt and fear and frustration that comes with having a restraining order against someone I used to share a bed with, keeping the hope of someday being able to have a conversation with him despite the numerous times he has hurt me…

I have experienced great suffering, and life-altering loss, but I will endure. I will bear the weight of these burdens.

These days living sustainably is measured in how many times I can see the silver lining. It is the smile I wear in public even though I am crying inside. It is my unwillingness to drop out of graduate school no matter how impossible my situation seems; my decision to remain positive about an unplanned pregnancy; my dedication to continuously work toward being a more patient, respectful, and attached parent; my refusal to let my marriage, The Big Incident, or the aftermath of them destroy me.

I will build up my support system and my inner strength. I will live sustainably. The environment’s long-term ecological balance
will certainly benefit from more strong-willed, intelligent, sustaining women.