Sustainably Single Parenting

Making the most of life's journey alongside my three!!!

I’m Having Another Homebirth!!! January 4, 2013

If I could successfully land a front handspring right now I would do five or six of them in a row. I am so excited! I’m having another homebirth!!!

I was trying my best to be positive about the disappointing reality of having to deliver Baby #3 at a birthing center. A birthing center wouldn’t be nearly as unbearable as delivering at a hospital. Still, every time I considered it I freaked out a little inside.

Taken 12/29/12 - 33 weeks

Taken 12/29/12 – 33 weeks

  • If I go into labor at 2am, like I have these past two times, who is going to drive me to the birthing center?
  • Even if I have someone willing to drive me there, what about my children? I’ll have to wake them up and get them dressed at 2am and then travel the significant distance from our house to the center, in LABOR!?
  • What if I have to take a taxi, with my two children? In labor? At 2am? In the cold of February?
  • If we take a taxi to the birthing center, how would we get home?!
  • How am I going to labor in a moving vehicle with cranky children?!
  • How am I going to calmly ride the waves of my contractions while being terrified that my water might break all over someone’s car?
  • Okay. Say I go into labor sometime in the afternoon. Say the kids are dressed, my friends are available, my car is functioning, and it’s not all that cold…but what if my labor starts out as strong as it did last time? Last time there was never a break in how strong the contractions were from start to finish the entire ten hours!
  • What if the midwives at the birthing center discourage me for coming in because I don’t “sound” like I need to come in yet? I never “sound” bad when I’m laboring. I pride myself on being able to keep it together. But my labor won’t progress until I’m comfortable knowing that I am where I need to be. Does that mean I’ll wait at home too long and not be able to make it to the birthing center? Or will I be in labor twice as long because I am uncomfortable not being where I need to be?
  • What if Baby stays breech?! At my last prenatal appointment the midwives wanted to schedule me for an external cephalic version just in case my exercises didn’t do the trick of turning baby. A VERSION!?! Do you know what that means?! Do you know what that might do to me and Baby?! Do you know HOW OPPOSED I AM TO HAVING A CESAREAN SECTION UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?!!? Did you know that babies can successfully be born breech vaginally?

BBBThere were so many things about going to the birthing center that filled me with anxiety. I was still going to go, but only because I didn’t have any other option. Should baby stay breech, however, they will not even allow me to attempt a vaginal delivery. Liability, they told me. I would’ve had an involuntary cesarean section. I used to work at a hospital in the labor and delivery department. I’ve seen c-sections performed. I do not EVER want that to happen to me! Our society, hellbent on controlling childbirth, does not properly acknowledge the risks of cesarean sections, yet doctors are no longer being trained to handle vaginal breech deliveries. It saddens me.

I’m still living off of my school loans so we’re still broke as can be, but let’s just say, where there’s a will, and a very amazing midwife, there’s a way. I’m going to have a homebirth for Baby #3!!! Just over five more weeks and Baby is coming 🙂

 

Advertisements
 

Birthing Baby #3 November 7, 2012

I’ve decided to deliver at a birthing center.

After this delivery I’ll have birthed in a standard hospital (though we weren’t there very long before I delivered her), I’ll have had a homebirth (absolutely wonderful to experience), and I’ll have given birth at a place that’s a bit in-between one’s home and a medical facility.

The decision wasn’t easy, per say. After two successful, drug-free and intervention-free vaginal deliveries I really don’t see the need to leave my house while birthing, but…I’ll be alone. This time, not only in spirit, but I won’t have his body to knead like bread through the waves of contractions. I also don’t know if my mother or sister will be with me. So, even though I know that I have the strength to delivery my baby safely and peacefully, I’d rather not be alone.

I wanted to hire a homebirth midwife. I interviewed some and met one that I really liked, but that was months ago, when I thought I’d be better off financially by this time. However, I am not receiving child support, and with all of my other expenses I cannot afford to hire a midwife who isn’t covered by my insurance.

It does sadden me. I know that I’m fully capable of delivering my baby without anybody’s assistance. But with two little ones in the house who need tended to, and with us being so many miles away from a healthcare facility, it just seems safer to be with midwives during the delivery. Plus, I really don’t want to be alone.

2009 – Terra’s Homebirth

Birthing is difficult. It challenges your core strength as a person, as a woman, as a mother-to-be. It grounds you, and sweeps you off your feet simultaneously. It empowers you while bringing you to your knees. I love birthing. I feel the strength that I typically suppress consuming me. I am unstoppable and fully capable of riding out the rushes; in, out, up, down, squeeze, opening my body.

But I don’t want to be alone. Birth is a celebration. Someone come earth-side, someone taking their first breaths, someone welcomed to life. I want to be in good spirits when I push her through my bones, I want to give her a wonderful welcome. If I am not surrounded by loved ones, or loving midwives, it will be much more difficult to not succumb to the sadness, to the emptiness, to the fears. I do not want her to come into this world and be greeted by my grief.

I need the birthing center to distract me from brooding over him during labor and delivery. I do not want to focus on my worries, I cannot spend my labor wondering what my future holds. From my experience the best way to get through a delivery is to be totally present. It’s difficult though, when the sensations make you want to push against them or run away, and what is really going to help you is to embrace them, allow them to invade your idea of comfort, reorganize your concepts of control.

It still saddens me, that I cannot have another homebirth strictly for monetary reasons, that I will give birth to our third baby and he will not be there with me, that I will bring her into this world so uncertain of what will be. But I am happy that she’s coming. I am excited to prepare for her. The girls already consider her in everything that they do and enjoy imagining the ways that Baby will contribute once she’s here with us. I will do my best to bring her into this world safely and surrounded with love.

This may not be the situation of my dreams, but I’m still going to give birth naturally, and I’m going to make her earth-side entrance as positive and peaceful as can be.

 

We love to play at the Y.M.C.A. September 10, 2012

Filed under: Positive Parenting — B_Momof3 @ 7:17 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Saved today, by the Open Gymnastics hours at our local Y.M.C.A.

Saved from a midday mommy meltdown, saved from my daughters’ cases of the I’m-not-sleepy-but-have-no-energy-to-behave-appropriately blues, saved from an afternoon of unfruitful, mind wandering, website clicking.

No, I have not yet begun my lengthy homework assignment that is due tomorrow morning. No, I did not fulfill those other pressing commitments either…too many to list. But do I have happy children? YES. Did I spend the afternoon making punitive threats? NO. Will my daughters go to sleep by nine so that I might have the time to study alone? I certainly hope so.

Open Gymnastics hours are going to be my semester sanctity. The indoor opportunity to run, jump, hang, dive, climb, roll, and challenge their strength and creativity is the perfect thing to break the monotony of a day without school.

The rules say that I have to stay close to them as they play, but instead of just being their spotter I joined in on the fun too.  I hung from the rope tethered to the ceiling and swung back and forth like a monkey. I jumped across the trampoline track on one foot, then the other, then backwards. I used the semi-circle-shaped mats to make a tickle house (all of the children were pleasantly terrified of me within minutes), and I tested my balance walking across the beams.

I got to stop thinking about my writing assignments and use the energy from all of my stress on the equipment. It made me miss being an athlete. It made me wish I had the time to be practicing, training, competing for something. I suppose I am gearing up for childbirth and nursing, Round 3, and that will take a lot of strength. I am happy to have found something cheap, safe, and close to home that we can all benefit from and enjoy as a family. Now if only I can get the girls to sleep and find the time to study.