Sustainably Single Parenting

Making the most of life's journey alongside my three!!!

Nesting…or not January 7, 2013

Nesting.GlovesThere’s still so much to get done and nothing is clean enough and nothing stays clean very long around here.

I’m always doing the dishes. I’m always folding the clothes. I’m always cleaning the girls’ room for them because I’m too tired to incorporate it into their schedule.

I’m always cleaning their gerbil cage. I’m always giving the girls baths, washing, conditioning, combing, and braiding their hair. I feel like I never stop cooking.

I am so low on energy as I am still rarely sleeping, but every ounce of me is saying…MUST PREPARE FOR BABY!

I have to get the bookcase disassembled so that I can put up her swing in that corner. This entails removing the knickknacks, boxing the books and moving the boxes down to the cellar. There’s no space in the cellar for the boxes until I bring the baby gear up. There’s no place in the condo to store the baby gear except the kitchen, but I still have the Christmas stuff in the kitchen and the buckets for the laundry detergent. I need to take the Christmas boxes to my storage unit, make three batches of laundry detergent and clear the kitchen space to get the process started.

But I never have the time to make it to my storage unit or the strength and will to load the boxes in the van. I have little opportunity to be in the kitchen making laundry detergent because I cannot seem to get a break from cooking and cleaning. I just…AAUGH!!! There is so much to get done and so little time before she comes and I want everything to be perfect and I’m just not doing enough.

I am not capable of doing so much.Overwhelmed Mother

Despite my desire to get everything perfect I have to listen to my body as well. When I am low on sleep and doing everything to provide for my two little earth-side ladies it’s hard to find the time and energy to focus on Baby #3. I really want everything to be clean and organized and ready, but it’s so hard to do my nesting when I have so many other responsibilities.

School starts back up in ten days. It does not feel like I’ve had nearly one month of a break. I cannot believe that somehow I am supposed to keep up with the every day, my education, a new baby, a three-year old, a five-year old, and the aftermath of a failed marriage. What am I thinking?! How am I going to handle this?!

Keep breathing…that’s the first step. Keep doing what I can handle every day. Keep being the mother that I want my children to remember me being. Keep believing in myself. Keep refusing to quit. I can get through this. Maybe I will not make it to every nook and cranny of the condo, and maybe the baby gear assembling will take the back seat to sorting cloth diapers and infant clothing. The most important part is getting Baby here safely; I must remain confident that I will be able to sustain.

We’re going to make it through this okay. I would feel so much more relaxed though, if I could just dismantle that bookcase.

 

It’s Almost Time November 28, 2012

Filed under: Mama Moments — B_Momof3 @ 10:00 am
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Ten full weeks left of this pregnancy. ONLY TEN MORE WEEKS!

It seems impossible. Where did the time go? How has the majority of this pregnancy possibly passed by so quickly?

Just moments ago I was sitting in my bathroom, laughing at the hand I’d been dealt; I was already going through hell, facing insurmountable obstacles, but now the purple-tipped stick told me that I was pregnant as well. I laughed, unable to do anything else. Yet that was almost 30 weeks ago, and in another ten I will be holding my third daughter.

My third daughter: another strong-willed baby girl. More than likely to be a curly-haired sister; another honey-oak skinned beauty I’ll contribute to the world.

I remember being nauseous. Those first 14 weeks or so of feeling fairly low. I am still in pain; my ribcage and my pelvis ache, the Braxton Hicks contractions keep coming, and I cannot ever find a decent position for peaceful sleep.

Still, one month until Christmas and then only two more weeks before I’m full term, then only four more weeks before my estimated due date. It all seems so soon.

I need time to nest. I need time to set up her bed (though she’ll spend most of her time nursing beside me). I need to pull out all the cloth diapers and clothing; sorting, washing, folding. I need to buy a play yard, a quality baby carrier/sling. I need to test the monitors. I need to make more laundry detergent because I started dipping into my stash.

I need to finish my classes; I need to not only pass, but to get an A in both, because I’ve yet to get less since starting grad school. I need to hand in proposals for my Master’s Project and a Directed Study. I need to find the time to apply for my PhD, and an MFA…so many things.

I suppose I could use some sleep, but more realistically I need to spend my days doing as many things as I can manage. When Baby comes I need to be certain that I used my time wisely; that I’ve done all I can to make sure she has a nice earth-side entry.

Ten full weeks left of this pregnancy. ONLY TEN MORE WEEKS!

 

Generosity November 14, 2012

I joined a new support group a few weeks ago; it’s so comforting to know that other women understand.

I always find it a little bittersweet to know that someone can truly empathize with my struggles. I wouldn’t wish this pain, this emptiness, this state of destitution, these hardships on anybody; yet there are so many women who can relate to my position, who have previously or are currently fighting a very similar battle, who keep wishing for their abusers to drop out of the game.

Tonight, without having anticipated it, I was given a gift. It was the most generous thing to receive a tub filled with items for my baby girl. I almost couldn’t accept it; I didn’t want to take it from some other mother who might need it more, but my counselors gently insisted. I also felt a bit reluctant because there were disposable diapers in the bundle and I use cloth, but I figured it might come in handy to have disposables at some point. My last twinge of guilt was over the fact that baby may not need anything; she has two older sisters and I kept almost all of their clothing. It will be nice though, to allow baby just a few new things to call her own.

Upon arriving home from group my daughters helped me to open the package; it was like having a small baby shower, just us three. I couldn’t believe the amount of clothing and supplies and utterly adorable things inside!

  • 1 adorable blanket with a bunny on it
  • 4 bibs
  • A 50 pack of newborn diapers (8-14lbs)
  • 1 pair of crocheted mittens
  • 6 sleepers
  • 4 complete outfits
  • 2 dresses
  • 1 blue jean jacket
  • 2 pairs of pants
  • 5 onesies
  • 1 packet of wipes
  • 3 hats
  • 1 set of Johnson & Johnson baby supplies (baby powder, shampoo, lotion, baby wash, diaper cream)
  • 5 pairs of socks
  • 1 embroidered burp cloth
  • A Peter Rabbit themed Baby Book (something I’m committed to filling out for Baby#3)

I will most definitely express my appreciation to my counselors, but I am also hoping that someday I will be in the position to make another woman’s baby prep a little easier. I would love to give back in that way, to prepare a stranger’s baby shower basket, and to enhance her life from the shadows of anonymity. There are so many women out there in need.

I am so very grateful for this unexpected generosity.