Some terribly unrealistic force of optimism cursed me during my pregnancy. This mystical force convinced me that I’d be capable of achieving everything I set my mind to accomplishing. I was so certain of this power being mine that it confuses me every time I’m forced to accept reality. My reality these days is quite bleak.
I wake up early to get going before my girls get out of bed.
I have energy and big plans for getting through my to-do list.
But… the baby wakes up as I’m doing my morning chores and I spend 30 minutes or more nursing her back to sleep.
Then, just as I’m leaving the baby, my middle daughter wakes up with the energy of five elephants trapped in a room full of mice, and wakes the baby.
I calm the baby, play with my preschooler, and go about doing my morning chores with “help” from my second born.
My oldest daughter wakes up, typically in a bad mood with a bad attitude, and gets things moving downhill at an accelerated rate.
They eat breakfast, and I keep cleaning, and somehow through it all I still believe I’m going to get a lot done.
Then, before I’ve had the chance to catch a breath, it’s time for lunch.
I create, serve, and clean up lunch, and then I try to get some homework done, but alas…my big girls need rest and cannot play without fighting.
They also refuse to rest.
This makes my outlook on the rest of our day take a nosedive.
Two hours later, after many failed attempts to get them to do anything together without fighting, I realize that my attempts have been in vain because all they want to do is play with me.
I play. I enjoy their company. I play for as long as I can without having to leave to feed the baby or work on something.
But it is already nearing dinner time, and I am running out of energy fast.
I yawn through dinner. I clean their plates.
We do bedtime business and I promise myself I’ll stay up after they’re in bed to get my work done.
I am too tired throughout the day to stay up late to finish things.
I realize that this is my reality.
I am too tired to freak out, but if I weren’t I’d be screaming, “How the hell am I going to pass two graduate courses on top of all this?!”