Sustainably Single Parenting

Making the most of life's journey alongside my three!!!

Due in 1 Week with Baby #3 February 4, 2013

Last week was an awfully trying week. Both of my little girls were sick and the weight of being a single parent was heavier than usual. The girls’ illnesses affected everything else. The dirty cups overran the sink, each having contained two to four ounces of a clear liquid; a multitude of cups used at once to encourage the girls to drink from the variety. The laundry kept piling up as everything was getting wet with one disgusting substance after the next. I got hardly any sleep; if no one was vomiting on me she was wide awake and wailing, having slept away the afternoon.

OverwhelmedCatI pushed through it, somehow. I really didn’t have a choice.

Maybe it’s the hormones of my impending delivery or maybe I’m just more depressed lately, but I cannot stop considering the bigger picture of my life. It looks like a catastrophe from a distance. How the hell am I going to get by? How am I supposed to manage caring for four human beings? How am I going to get through graduate school with all of these other responsibilities? How am I going to make it through these next few weeks without crumbling?

I keep finding my finger on the button with his name on it. Just one slip and I’d be calling him. I know I shouldn’t. I know it would just bring me down. What would he say if he answered? Surely nothing to ease my suffering at this point. What could he say to make this better? What could I believe from his lips even if they spoke the perfect words? What if a girl answered? Sigh.

I have more important things to consider at this time. I cannot get caught up worrying myself about his life.

Baby is still breech. I am willing to do whatever it takes to avoid having a c-section. I’m due in one week, but Baby might need more time to turn so I’ll be patient with her. These next few weeks may include hypnosis, acupuncture, a lot of time upside down, and if all else fails, a version. I’m not afraid of going past my due date, that doesn’t concern me. Getting cut open and needing weeks to heal while I’m alone taking care of three babies concerns me.

The Braxton Hicks contractions are coming on stronger and more frequently these days. My appetite is nearly non-existent. I’ve missed the past three weeks of sessions with my therapist so that’s probably another reason for the funk that I’ve been in. I just want to give Baby a happy, healthy welcome. I want to shower her with my affection, not postpartum depression. I want to be a good example for all of my girls. It’s just so hard to handle it all lately.

I cannot believe that in give-or-take one week I will have three babies. I really don’t know how I’m going to keep it together, but I suppose I do not have any other choice.


15 Responses to “Due in 1 Week with Baby #3”

  1. Sometimes your posts just break my heart. I wish I could climb through my computer and stand in front of you so you could see the real human being out here who reads your words and feels your story and thinks about you and is encouraged by you and who cares about your heart and your life. I can’t clean your house or babysit your kids or help with rent or get that baby turned…but I am listening.

  2. Ours is breech too! I’ve only tried the tilt thing- where you put your hips up on a couch so that you’re almost upside down! I thought it made a difference for a few days, but it was wishful thinking! I read somewhere to put a clothes pin on one of your toes and it can sort of take the place of acupuncture with no cost! I’m just lazy and haven’t tried it, let us know if you have any success with a method because I’ll try that next! 🙂 I hope you feel better soon!

    • Jet Says:

      Doing the pelvic tilt you described gave me a terrible headache. I only tried it once a few weeks ago and haven’t been brave enough to do it again. I tried going swimming, walking up stairs for several hours, crawling on all fours, doing cow/cat pose in yoga…sigh. I’ll certainly let you know if my efforts pay off, but in the end I think it’s up to Baby to want to turn. Thank you for your well wishes 😉 Good luck to you too!

  3. juliamadrazo1 Says:

    Hang in there Jet! You have hundreds of people always willing to listen and help you whenever you can. You’re an inspiration to us, always remember that!

  4. Still Scared( but getting angry) Says:

    Yes, hang in there!! One hour, one day at a time and you can make it! Praying!

    • Jet Says:

      Looking at the bigger picture really isn’t the best way to stay positive. It’s incredibly overwhelming to take it all in at once. One day, one hour, one moment at a time is much more doable. Today is a much better day than yesterday. I’m feeling a lot more capable of handling this load again. In large part due to everyone’s support. Thank you 🙂

      • Still Scared( but getting angry) Says:

        And others are walking similar paths, different trials, but I am repeating to myself: ” This is what I can do today.”. Just wanted to comment again so you know we’re still out here pulling for you! Get rest and sleep when you can and stay hydrated!

  5. wow, you have a lot going on. i am so proud of you. i am also sending strong loving vibes your way. don’t worry about the big picture right now. it’s too much to think about. just focus on the short term. what needs doing today. and remember to take a moment now and again to appreciate yourself. you are an amazing human being, a loving, supportive and encouraging mother and a smart, creative and ambitious person. you do so much and you really deserve some recognition. so try to give yourself some recognition. and i know you know it, but i will say it anyway, don’t make that phonecall. the temporary relief and comfort you might feel would not be worth the pain, stress and danger you would be putting yourself through. it would be ripping open healing wounds and that’s the last thing you need right now. more than anything, i want to say congratulation and good luck and many, many blessings. you will get through this. and you are amazing. thank you for sharing your journey with us. ❤

    • Jet Says:

      Thank you, Clementine. Thank you thank you thank you. I will try to do something nice for myself tomorrow to show myself some appreciation. Maybe I’ll start doing something nice for myself every day, even if it’s simply allowing myself to take a short break, or time to meditate, or maybe I’ll get crazy and take a bubble bath sans babies!!! I do need some sort of release…relief I might be looking for through that phone call, which, you’re completely right, would be temporary and fleeting at best. I know that I cannot do that to myself again…I just cannot believe it’s still so hard to keep from doing it. Sigh. Thank you so much for the congratulations, luck, and blessings. I’m so glad to have you on my team 🙂 I sincerely appreciate your encouragement and support.

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