Sustainably Single Parenting

Making the most of life's journey alongside my three!!!

Death to the 4.0 December 19, 2012

NoB+I know that I shouldn’t be so incredibly disappointed, but I am. For the first time since graduate school began I received less than an A for my final grade. In one of my courses this semester I got a B+. For me, a B+ isn’t good enough, and I am terribly distraught.

I know that grading isn’t systematic and we’re basically relying on each teacher’s subjectivity; if I’d had a different professor I may have easily gotten an A for the same performance and the same work. That doesn’t really matter at this point, however, as I had the professor that I had and she gave me a B+.

Bummer.

I know. I should be proud of myself just for being in graduate school, trying my best, and attending classes these past 15 weeks while juggling being a single parent, being pregnant, and dealing with the mix of emotions that have surfaced since separating from my abusive husband.

I know. It’s graduate school, and I unless I’m planning on going for my PhD (which I’m contemplating) it won’t really matter what my grades were as long as I get my degree. But getting a 4.0 meant a lot to me. Maybe it’s because I didn’t try my hardest in undergrad? Maybe it was just because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I like challenging myself.

This feels like failure.

I know that I have excelled at so many things. I suppose the mere fact that I’m keeping my head above water lately, and surviving off of three hours of anxiety-filled sleep each night for the past seven months is…something similar to an accomplishment. But the B+ saddens me.

I know that I will still proudly walk the stage, content that I did the best job I could do in every course I studied. Ten years from now I will not think  about the B+ that I received and how much it tormented me. For the next few days, however, I will be sulking. Death to the 4.0 GPA.

The loss of another dream.

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6 Responses to “Death to the 4.0”

  1. after i graduated high school with a 2.64….i vowed to change my grades forever. and i strived for nothing but As. I made all As the first two years of college, then i finally took A&P and got my first B. I felt the same way as you, i almost cried for weeks. but a little love and encouragement from my friends and family and they just reminded me that not everyone is perfect all the time. lol. and they were all super proud of me for getting a B.

    so keep up the good work. a B is a great grade!!!
    we’ve both been gifted with a strong drive for perfection and greatness…..but we can’t possibly be perfect all the time (even though i feel perfect all the time. lol)

    congrats on graduating!!!!

    • Jet Says:

      Thank you!

      (I’m not finished with my M.A. for another three courses, but I’m so close!!!)

      I don’t often feel perfect, but it’s good to keep in mind that I can’t possibly do perfectly 100% of the time, even if I’m striving to. Really, as long as I’m trying my hardest, I should try to be less disappointed in the outcome of my performances.

  2. marksackler Says:

    Take it from an “old as dirt” Emerson alum who barely managed a 3.0 back in the day: nobody earns a 4.0 in life…


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