If I could successfully land a front handspring right now I would do five or six of them in a row. I am so excited! I’m having another homebirth!!!
I was trying my best to be positive about the disappointing reality of having to deliver Baby #3 at a birthing center. A birthing center wouldn’t be nearly as unbearable as delivering at a hospital. Still, every time I considered it I freaked out a little inside.
- If I go into labor at 2am, like I have these past two times, who is going to drive me to the birthing center?
- Even if I have someone willing to drive me there, what about my children? I’ll have to wake them up and get them dressed at 2am and then travel the significant distance from our house to the center, in LABOR!?
- What if I have to take a taxi, with my two children? In labor? At 2am? In the cold of February?
- If we take a taxi to the birthing center, how would we get home?!
- How am I going to labor in a moving vehicle with cranky children?!
- How am I going to calmly ride the waves of my contractions while being terrified that my water might break all over someone’s car?
- Okay. Say I go into labor sometime in the afternoon. Say the kids are dressed, my friends are available, my car is functioning, and it’s not all that cold…but what if my labor starts out as strong as it did last time? Last time there was never a break in how strong the contractions were from start to finish the entire ten hours!
- What if the midwives at the birthing center discourage me for coming in because I don’t “sound” like I need to come in yet? I never “sound” bad when I’m laboring. I pride myself on being able to keep it together. But my labor won’t progress until I’m comfortable knowing that I am where I need to be. Does that mean I’ll wait at home too long and not be able to make it to the birthing center? Or will I be in labor twice as long because I am uncomfortable not being where I need to be?
- What if Baby stays breech?! At my last prenatal appointment the midwives wanted to schedule me for an external cephalic version just in case my exercises didn’t do the trick of turning baby. A VERSION!?! Do you know what that means?! Do you know what that might do to me and Baby?! Do you know HOW OPPOSED I AM TO HAVING A CESAREAN SECTION UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?!!? Did you know that babies can successfully be born breech vaginally?
There were so many things about going to the birthing center that filled me with anxiety. I was still going to go, but only because I didn’t have any other option. Should baby stay breech, however, they will not even allow me to attempt a vaginal delivery. Liability, they told me. I would’ve had an involuntary cesarean section. I used to work at a hospital in the labor and delivery department. I’ve seen c-sections performed. I do not EVER want that to happen to me! Our society, hellbent on controlling childbirth, does not properly acknowledge the risks of cesarean sections, yet doctors are no longer being trained to handle vaginal breech deliveries. It saddens me.
I’m still living off of my school loans so we’re still broke as can be, but let’s just say, where there’s a will, and a very amazing midwife, there’s a way. I’m going to have a homebirth for Baby #3!!! Just over five more weeks and Baby is coming